The Start of School and My Inner Control Freak

img_0174

 

It’s been a long summer.

 

A great summer, but a long summer.  In fact this summer has lasted over three months! I have been totally loving it.  It’s just seemed like it would never come to an end. But here I am packing backpacks, filling out final paperwork, double checking bus schedules and telling(…yelling at) the younger ones “You will get your pick of tv shows tomorrow!! Just let the big boys pick today!” I’m coming to grips with the reality that schedules and early mornings start tomorrow. I’m really hoping I survive the early mornings this week! I think I might need some prayer…

 

I brush their teeth, Dad reads the story, we say prayers and tuck these boy’s in for the night. As I kiss their cheeks and head down the hall I start reflecting on this up coming week… the up coming year. And I am reminded of one of those things I hate to be reminded of… I cannot control everything.

 

I’m fairly easy going, I love to have a good time, but man there are things I like to control. There are so many things I can “control” especially when the kids are little and at home with me.  But now they are growing older and going to school, I put them on the bus and have to start letting go. I know it’s the first of many “letting go’s”. (Please, I don’t even want to think about when they are all teenagers! I might start uncontrollably crying!)

 

My mind wanders and I start to think about the school bus transfer they have to make to get to the right school, their new teachers, the new friends they will make and the things that will inevitably be hard on them, like the reality that they will probably get their feelings hurt multiple times. I can no longer keep them in my shelter as they grow. I know in my heart this is a good thing. But I still have to relinquish control.

 

What’s really good about this is it brings some of those subconscious thoughts to the forefront. It makes me reflect on what I’m worrying about and why I’m worrying about it. And when I start tracing it back, and really go all the way back, I can clearly see where my problem has sprouted.

 

It’s this thought that I know best.

 

That I know when to shelter. I know when to push. I know when to discipline, and how. The thought that I know how to love my children best. But the problem with all this is all those “I”s. I’m focusing on me, and what I want, and how I want it. Then I start worrying. And when I worry, I hang on tight. I don’t want to surrender control.

 

My worry and fear have me focusing on all the wrong things, starting with myself.

The one I should be focusing on is the One who can give me peace. The one who can overcome my worry. My hope and peace lies in my Heavenly Father.

 

I can trust Him. I can trust Him with my children. I can trust that my children are part of His family. His ways are higher than my ways. Ultimately God being in control of my family’s life is so much better. For real. It’s just not even a comparison to me being in control. He is God, He is good, and I can trust Him.

 

I know that this doesn’t mean things will be perfect and it doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen. We still have to live in a world dealing with the consequences of sin. Terrible things happen in this broken world. But, even when I follow that train of thought all the way to the end and think about the possible loss of my beautiful babies, I know that they will be in the arms of the Father. I pray that won’t happen too early. I can’t even imagine it. But I know that I have to let go and trust my God.  And do the one thing I can do:

 

 Wear through the knees of my jeans praying.

 

So I send them out and (try to) begin this process in peace and excitement, because I am not in control. Praise be to God that He cares about my children even more than I do!

1 John 3:1

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

Isaiah 55:8-9

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s