Over the past two months I have been working on one of my least favorite things. Once it is accomplished, it also happens to be one of the most rewarding things to my psyche. But that means I have to actually do it. Ugh.
And No it’s not running, I actually love doing that. Except for right now, while I’m 28 weeks pregnant. I will be forgoing the running until after baby, and stick with other forms of working out, preferably ones that don’t make me feel like I have to pee the entire time! Things just aren’t the same after a few pregnancies…
No. What I’m talking about is cleaning out my house. Getting rid of the stuff I don’t use and need. I have been going room by room and sorting. Ufda.. makes me feel worn out just thinking about it!!
I started this task in September. Not just because there were certain cupboards and rooms that were driving me crazy. Not just because of how hard it was to find things, or how messy parts of the house were starting to look. Sure, that all plays a part in it. But what really pushed me to do it is the fact that I’m really on the clock right now. And it’s coming to crunch time. I have less that 12 weeks till my due date, and in those 12 weeks are Thanksgiving, Christmas(with all the joy’s…mostly joy’s… that this holiday comes with) and Daniel and the boys’ Christmas break. And then, after the baby comes, it’s only a few short months before we will mostly likely be moving.
Once the boy’s started school I decided to take action. I have made a huge dent since then. I shouldn’t say dent. I really am almost done. The last thing holding me up is the little boy clothes… Just one more reason I was hoping for a girl, so I wouldn’t have to deal with sorting through these bags! I wanted to just say goodbye to those suckers, and start over!! They are the last thing on the list to sort through, and they are staring me in the face every time I walk into my spare bedroom. Once I get started it won’t be so bad. But I will need to dedicate a day to getting this project done.
What a long process this has felt like though. And as I work through each room and space, I find more that needs to be sorted and organized, along with some things that I didn’t even realize were there. It seems that I always find more that I should clean up and organize.
And some times I just want to shut the door and pretend that I didn’t see it.
As I have been going through this process, it has reminded me of times in my spiritual life. Sometimes God brings to light things I need to deal with, clean up, or grow in. And I think, “Ok, Do your work, deal with me here, I want to grow closer to You and I know this is something You need to take care of.” Sometimes I am quick to this response.
Sometimes I am not.
It seems that He starts rooting out, or pruning away in one area of my life. Then once that area is dealt with there is a sense of relief. But so often His working and cleaning in one area reveals other areas that He needs to clean, other areas that need His attention. More and more is revealed by the Light of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God being active in my life. And there is always more to clean up. There is always more mess that needs to be dealt with. Sometimes I just want to hide, simply because all that dirt and mess is just so embarrassing.
It’s so much like cleaning my house!
For instance, when I’m cleaning and for some crazy reason I decide to move my couch and I see all sorts of surprises… um… awful surprises! And I want to just put that couch right back where it was and forget that there is all that grossness under there. (Oh and some times I do!) As God convicts me and grows me in some of these difficult times, I might be ok with it for a while, but man have there been times where I feel like “Ok God, that is far enough! I’m done! Do not lift up that couch!!!” But does that stop him? Of course not. And deep down, I don’t want it to. Because I know I need to let Him continue to keep going through those deep places I didn’t even know I had to deal with.
Some times God cleans gently, and some times He does not. But I know God loves me, and is working for my benefit through these hard and exhausting times. And the feeling on the other side is sweet.
It’s so nice to open my closet and find what I’m looking for. To know that I’m not going to move things that I won’t even use at my next house. To just have it done!
The feeling is even sweeter when you come out of these refining times with God. Maybe it’s major growth, maybe it’s finally letting go of a sin you have been hanging onto, or didn’t even know was there. Maybe it’s letting go of a fear, or worry, and knowing that even if the worst happens God’s still got you. It can be so many different things. This process with the Lord will never be complete, until we see Him in Heaven. But there are definite seasons in our walk with the Lord where this process is more intense. And when He brings you through, growing closer with God is always worth it.
1 Peter 1:3-9
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, 5 who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, 7 so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; 8 and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, 9 obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.