So I make a lot of smoothies. I’m kind of a big fan of drinking my fruits and veggies. Don’t get me wrong, I do love, fruit, and veggies (especially when dipped in things, like hummus. yum), all that jazz. But one way I can consistently get in some of those fruits and veggies, even when I’m busy… or lazy… Is to put them in smoothies.  It’s so handy to have it all on hand and throw it together in the morning or as an afternoon snack. I also like drinking them while I”m waiting with the boys for the bus, (until the snow sets in.. It that scenario I will wait until I’m back in my cozy warm house).

I have quite a few friends that have asked about what I put in my smoothies, so I thought I would share a few to them. Here are my favorite go to smoothies.

3/4 Cup Frozen Berries

1 banana

1 Cup Greens (spinach, or kale, or red and green chard or a mix of it all. I don’t like using lettuce as it will compromise the texture.)

1 Cup Kefir (I like using the blueberry or strawberry kind)

1/4 Coconut water or water

2 Tablespoons Chia seeds or hemp harts, or BetterBody Foods Organic LIVfit Superfood Blend with Protein (I found this recently, and it has all sorts of nutrients packed in it.)

This can be a breakfast replacement smoothie, it has protein packed in it with the Kefir and adding one of these, Chia seeds or hemp harts, or BetterBody Foods Organic LIVfit Superfood Blend with Protein. Also the color of this smoothie will vary depending on what berries you use.

1 Ripe Banana

3/4 Cup Almond Milk

2 Tablespoons peanut butter powder

1 Tablespoon unsweetened cocoa powder

1/2 teaspoon vanilla

Ice

I love having this as a guilt free sweet snack.

A great summer, but a long summer.  In fact this summer has lasted over three months! I have been totally loving it.  It’s just seemed like it would never come to an end. But here I am packing backpacks, filling out final paperwork, double checking bus schedules and telling(…yelling at) the younger ones “You will get your pick of tv shows tomorrow!! Just let the big boys pick today!” I’m coming to grips with the reality that schedules and early mornings start tomorrow. I’m really hoping I survive the early mornings this week! I think I might need some prayer…

I brush their teeth, Dad reads the story, we say prayers and tuck these boy’s in for the night. As I kiss their cheeks and head down the hall I start reflecting on this up coming week… the up coming year. And I am reminded of one of those things I hate to be reminded of… I cannot control everything.

I’m fairly easy going, I love to have a good time, but man there are things I like to control. There are so many things I can “control” especially when the kids are little and at home with me.  But now they are growing older and going to school, I put them on the bus and have to start letting go. I know it’s the first of many “letting go’s”. (Please, I don’t even want to think about when they are all teenagers! I might start uncontrollably crying!)

My mind wanders and I start to think about the school bus transfer they have to make to get to the right school, their new teachers, the new friends they will make and the things that will inevitably be hard on them, like the reality that they will probably get their feelings hurt multiple times. I can no longer keep them in my shelter as they grow. I know in my heart this is a good thing. But I still have to relinquish control.

What’s really good about this is it brings some of those subconscious thoughts to the forefront. It makes me reflect on what I’m worrying about and why I’m worrying about it. And when I start tracing it back, and really go all the way back, I can clearly see where my problem has sprouted.

It’s this thought that I know best.

That I know when to shelter. I know when to push. I know when to discipline, and how. The thought that I know how to love my children best. But the problem with all this is all those “I”s. I’m focusing on me, and what I want, and how I want it. Then I start worrying. And when I worry, I hang on tight. I don’t want to surrender control.

My worry and fear have me focusing on all the wrong things, starting with myself.

I can trust Him. I can trust Him with my children. I can trust that my children are part of His family. His ways are higher than my ways. Ultimately God being in control of my family’s life is so much better. For real. It’s just not even a comparison to me being in control. He is God, He is good, and I can trust Him.

I know that this doesn’t mean things will be perfect and it doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen. We still have to live in a world dealing with the consequences of sin. Terrible things happen in this broken world. But, even when I follow that train of thought all the way to the end and think about the possible loss of my beautiful babies, I know that they will be in the arms of the Father. I pray that won’t happen too early. I can’t even imagine it. But I know that I have to let go and trust my God.  And do the one thing I can do:

 Wear through the knees of my jeans praying.

So I send them out and (try to) begin this process in peace and excitement, because I am not in control. Praise be to God that He cares about my children even more than I do!

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

    neither are your ways my ways,”

declares the Lord.

“As the heavens are higher than the earth,

    so are my ways higher than your ways

    and my thoughts than your thoughts.

We started summer off with a bit of a bang! We headed out to the Pacific Northwest to see family and also for work for the hubby. On our road trip down we found out for sure we were pregnant with our fifth child! Yes… I took a pregnancy test in a sketch gas station in Idaho… Then we had the next 7 hours to let it sink in that we were going from a large family to a “large family”. There is just something about that jump from 4 kids to 5 kids that in today’s society seems to take you from “wow, you are busy” to “wow, you are crazy!!”. I mean really what are we going to drive!?! Looking in the back of our packed (I mean ‘every nook and cranny is absolutely stuffed’ packed)  mini van, it’s obvious this good old dodge caravan is not going to cut it much longer!

Already when we go out in public people notice, and sometimes I catch them, just staring… Some are encouraging, some are discouraging and judgmental… yes, I do mean vocally judgmental, not just scowls! Sometimes we catch ourselves looking at a picture of another family and thinking “Wow, they have a lot of kids!” Then it hits me, we have that many kids… It sure doesn’t seem like as many when its your own family!

And if I’m being honest with myself at times I am still working through this jump myself. Raising this many kids feels scary. It’s expensive, inconvenient, and exhausting. It brings out my selfishness, and my flaws like nothing else ever has. I don’t know if I have ever dealt with feeling so guilty about, well… everything, since having children. Guilty about what they eat, how they act, what they watch. Am I reading to them enough? Am I disciplining them enough? Am I showing them enough grace? Am I giving them enough Bible teaching, and what about the Gospel? Am I living out an active, loving faith with my Savior that they can see?

I can let myself be plagued with questions and guilt. And here we are adding another one to the brood. Sometimes the pounding thought of “you are not enough” can blare so loudly in my mind. Sometimes I can let it seep in and run amuck, while stealing my joy. I measure myself against the impossible, the unrealistic standard and I never measure up. Deep down I know I will never measure up. I have known this since I was a child. So why am I still trying to measure up??  Why do I let my self get tangled in the whispered lies that turn into blaring loud lies, and then become hard to tune out and turn off. I step back and look into the trap that I can so easily fall into again and again. And I know these are lies from the enemy.

My heavenly Father tells me I am enough, not because of me, but because of Christ who lives in me. His mercies are new for me every day, every hour. I am covered in His grace, in His love. His yoke is light. And when I remember that Christ is enough, how light this yoke, and this burden becomes. There are going to be many times I fail, many times I will have to ask my children, others, and God for forgiveness. But I know that my heavenly Father has already covered these things in His shed blood, by His grace. I am beyond thankful and in awe of His grace. I know that He is sufficient where I fall short. I fix my eyes on the Father, and place my family, my children, and my fears, in His hands. Here, with Him, I find peace and joy again, here I can rest.

Life is crazy, and will be getting crazier. And that’s OK. The laundry can pile, the books go unread, the screen time go unchecked for too long… Will it all fall apart?!? No, of course not. I can’t place my value, my worth, in holding it all together. When I place my value in Christ, I am enough, because He is enough. And I want my kids to know that truth. Sometimes when I feel like everything is falling apart, that’s where we get to see God’s hand and grace the most, these moments can turn into the most amazing teachable moments.

I say all this because adding another one can feel daunting, if I’m being honest. And will everything go perfect adding another one? As much as my control freak wants it to be… The answer is NO!! It will be one big beautiful mess!!! I will be exhausted. The older kids will have to step up and help more. And sometimes when people come to my house it will be a disaster and smell like poopy diapers. But I am thrilled!! My children are such a gift, and I take so much joy in our imperfect life. This child that I carry, strange as it may look to the world’s eyes, this big family that I have, are just huge blessings from the Lord.  The truth is I struggle, but I love this life that God has given me. I don’t know what we will drive or how we will be able to help our kids through college. But God does. And once again I surrender. And joy shines through.