A New Chapter

 

Here I am sitting at a blank computer screen, watching the line blink, waiting for me to write.

I have been a little scared to jump back into it again. Between my last post and now, so much life has happened. My brain toggles between wondering if I have too much to say or do I have anything to say? Where do I start?

So forgive me as I clear the cobwebs and sweep away the dust, and try to breath some life back into my writing.

Just three months ago we packed up all our belongings. We had many heart felt and tear stained goodbyes. We loaded up our van with our survival supplies for our road trip, and what we would need for the summer. And then we waved good bye to our sweet, little, quiet town, Fergus Falls.

The end of a chapter.

I spent the next two months in my home town, Olympia, where I grew up, where I spent many hours at church, where I learned to ride my horse, where I learned to love the rain and the mountains, where I fell in love with my husband. It’s the place I know the best. I know what to expect there and how to interact with the culture. It’s where some of our best friends and our family live. And summer… ahh summer. It’s my favorite time to be there.

Going there this summer gave me a good amount of time to spend with my family, to let the kids get loved on by their grandparents, and Aunts and Uncles. To let them run around with cousins. To just soak it all in.

But it’s not home anymore. I still love it there, and love the people. But it’s not home. It wasn’t a place I could settle. It was a time of transition. A time to wrestle, renew and find peace in the Lord and His calling.

Daniel finally returned from Alaska from being gone forever…. Ok maybe not forever… But 5 weeks felt like forever! And we again loaded up all of the things… And we said a few more hard goodbyes.

Then we had a chance to take our time and road trip to the other coast. Where we pulled into the fast paced, intense, busy world that is northern New Jersey.

The start of a new chapter.

The day we pulled into town and unloaded our belongings into our cute little house, there was a huge wave of relief that hit me. “We are here, I can settle, this is our new home”

It really has been a huge relief to finally be here. We have been anticipating it for quite a while. And now I can exhale.

One of the things I have definitely been feeling is: overwhelmed. Everything is new, different and finds me out of my comfort zone quite a bit. Switching all of the paperwork, learning the roads, learning how people drive on the road (praying that I chose the correct lane to get onto the correct highway), understanding this different culture around me.

Finding my new normal.

It is truly an adventure. When I think of the adventure, or at least the word ‘adventure’, I often just associate it with fun, and forget that it’s a journey. And while it is fun, the truth is an adventure churns up a lot of different emotions.

I have been really humbled to know God has called us to minister to the people here. To be a part of Christ’s mission here. Part of what is uncomfortable is knowing that on my own I can’t do it. I feel my inadequacy, my insecurity, and my ignorance. I have asked numerous times “Why me Lord? How can you use me? There has got to be someone better suited, someone who is more outgoing, who is more talented.” And the Lord reminds me who I am focusing on when I ask Him those questions, and I am reminded of where I’m putting my faith, versus where I should put my faith.

What I’m really doing when I ask, ‘why me?’ is putting my faith in myself, and that’s when I doubt and become anxious.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say that I haven’t had many moments of doubt and struggle. That when I looked up at the mountain of what needed to get done I wanted to turn around, throw in the towel, that when I looked at how many miles I needed to go I wanted to crawl back into my bed. (Side note: And let me tell you, when you haven’t slept in your own bed for over two months, it’s like a dream crawling back into your bed for the first time.) I once told Daniel “I am not moving, I do not want to have to find another doctor for the kids! I like this one.” He laughed at me… I laughed at me.

A picture that has been brought to my mind over and over these past few months, is a little girl that is holding her father’s hand as he walks with her and leads her. She is carefree, trusting and happy to be with her father.

I need to be that little girl.

She takes her heavenly fathers hand and lets Him lead. I have a perfect, good heavenly Father that I can trust with everything. I may be imperfect and inadequate, but my Father is not. And while I may be powerless, my Father is not. He has called us here, and all the ministry and growth that we pray comes, will be because of Christ. I can let the weight of my self-reliance fall off my shoulders and I place my hand in Christ’s. I can take steps forward, knowing that His plan will succeed regardless of my shortcomings.

So, here’s to my new chapter in life! Here’s to new experiences and growth! It will probably take me the year before I can put away the Garmin and stop being stressed at the intensity of the grocery shoppers at Trader Joes and Costco! But I’ll get there.

I just have to mention a few things I’m loving (in no particular order), the bagel place right up the street on Washington, it’s delicious. I’m loving the parks, Van Suan was so much fun with the kids. I’m loving that the library is right across the street. I’m loving that NYC is so close. I’m loving the diverse culture. And the last thing I’ll list but certainly not least, is the people, our church. They have been such a blessing to us already and we are so excited to partner with them in ministry.

God is good. All the time. Even in this new chapter.

Especially in this new chapter.

 

Psalm 25:4-7

Make me know Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth and teach me,

For You are the God of my salvation;

For You I wait all the day.

Remember, O Lord, Your compassion and Your lovingkindnesses,

For they have been [a]from of old.

Do not remember the sins of my youth or my transgressions;

According to Your lovingkindness remember me,

For Your goodness’ sake, O Lord.

 

 

Spring, the Latest at the Stenberg’s


Wow a lot has happened since the last published blog post. I was often writing in the evenings. But recently my hands have been full with a wide awake, usually happy, baby at night. I have also been plagued with new baby brain fog! But he is sleeping more now and that is getting a bit better. Also, boy have the last few months been emotional for me, exaggerated by post baby hormones.

 

Well my husband wrote out Elijah’s amazing birth story. I am still so thankful and humbly amazed by our God. I still find myself staring at his beautiful face and being reminded that we serve a God of miracles and that nothing is impossible for God inside His will. It’s also a good reminder for me as we start a new phase in our journey.

 

I am excited to announce that we are moving to Bergenfield, New Jersey! After things had calmed down following Elijah’s birth and I had some weeks to heal we candidated at Calvary Lutheran in Bergenfield. We got a chance to see the church, the parsonage, the town, and meet the wonderful people in the church. A bit after we visisted they extended us a call and we have accepted it. The whole process has been covered in prayer by the church and us and quite a few others. We feel this is where God is calling us and we are excited about this new adventure and chance to serve the Lord there.

 

It’s very far from the immediate family, the opposite coast, actually. There will be a lot of things for me to get used to, like driving! I’m not the most assertive driver, but I have been told if you are not aggressive you will get nowhere! Hopefully you will not see me in my van stuck on the road getting nowhere! Ha! And honestly I’m sure there will be a lot of differences that I won’t even know about until I experience them. There always is when you move to a new area.

 

They boys are very excited. After all they will be living 15 min from New York City and that is where the Ninja Turtles live, so that is just the best. I have tried to convince them that the Ninja Turtles don’t actually exist, but Asher will just give me his half smile and say “Sure, mom…” with the knowing look on his face that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

 

One of the hard things we had to do last month was say good bye to our dog Kiaser. He was our 12 year old Rat Terrier. Daniel and I got him right after we were first married, and he has been on a lot of journeys with us and little Silas was quite attached to him. But he was having too many health issues and we had to say good bye. I’m thankful for the humor that my boys bring into some of the hard times. We were sitting at the dinner table and the boys launched into pets and tried to leverage Kiaser’s death into getting a turtle. And then Caleb pleads “Or at least a fish!!”

 

Now we are in the throws of the end of the Seminary school year. Daniel has four more weeks of school and then he graduates! I can hardly believe we are almost done. I’m kind of in denial actually… I have a lot to do, and I don’t have enough hours in the day. It will be so bitter sweet being done here. We are excited to get into ministry and settle down for a while. But it will be hard to leave this time and the good friends we have made here.

 

We leave at the end of May for Washington. Where I will be till late July, Daniel will be there for about two weeks and then he flies to Alaska to do the commercial Salmon fishing with his dad and a few siblings. After Daniel gets back we will start making our trek across the country.

 

I am trying to just enjoy this last time here without getting overwhelmed by the things that need to get done. I am also looking forward to getting some down time in Washington and enjoying spending time with family and friends there.

 

I would appreciate all the prayers I can get as we prepare to move, Daniel goes to Alaska and then we will be getting started in a new place, also we will be logging countless hours in a van with 5 children under the age of 7!!

 

Psalm 67

May God be gracious to us and bless us
and make his face shine on us—[b]
so that your ways may be known on earth,
your salvation among all nations.

May the peoples praise you, God;
may all the peoples praise you.
May the nations be glad and sing for joy,
for you rule the peoples with equity
and guide the nations of the earth.
May the peoples praise you, God;
may all the peoples praise you.

The land yields its harvest;
God, our God, blesses us.
May God bless us still,
so that all the ends of the earth will fear him.

 

The Day Elijah Came Into the World

By Daniel Stenberg

Karen gave birth to Elijah Quentin at 9:06 am on February 3rd, 2017.

He didn’t come when we hoped, or how we had hoped. But if he had come according to our hopes, he wouldn’t be here at all.

It seemed like we had been waiting for Elijah forever. True, the nine-month incubation that is pregnancy can drag on seemingly ‘forever’, especially towards the end, but there was more to it this time.

Being in my 3rd year of Seminary it’s time to start interviewing, or ‘candidating’ at churches. We had to wait for Elijah to be born however, as Karen couldn’t travel at the end of pregnancy, and then of course there would be the recovery time after birth. It felt like our future was stalled, like it was just waiting on the baby. So the sooner he came the better.

At least, that’s how it felt.

Also, my parents were visiting in January. My dad would be here for a week, and my mom would be here for three. Being as we don’t live close to each other it would have been nice for dad to be able to hold his newest grandson before catching the plane back to the Pacific Northwest. So the sooner he came the better.

We did all that we knew how to try to convince our youngest that it was time to breathe the fresh Minnesota air. It was time to meet his grandpa. It was time to let mommy and daddy take steps towards the future.

We went for walks. Not easy to do during a frigid Midwest winter. Thankfully the YMCA in town is heated and has a nice walking track. Karen kept working at her cleaning job. She ate spicy food. Short of taking castor oil (no offense dad, but you weren’t quite THAT important) we did all that we knew of to get baby to come.

Nothing worked. There were many occasions of false labor that we hoped would lead to actual labor, but again, our hopes were not realized. The little guy could not be convinced.

Dad left, and the days went by. It was getting close to the time when mom was going to have to leave. Karen went to her Doctor’s appointment the day before her due date and everything looked great. Baby was looking really good, and Karen’s body was ready to have the baby. It wouldn’t take much to set the wheels in motion, and so the Doctor agreed to induce Karen a couple of days later, so that Grandma would have a chance to meet the little guy before she too had to take a plane home.

Karen was pretty excited about this. She had never been induced before, and this meant that maybe she could actually get the drugs! Previous labors had been so quick, that there hadn’t been time. She didn’t regret having children au naturale, but given that this would be the last one, the allure of it being relatively painless was strong. Karen was looking forward to experiencing this side of labor and delivery.

On Feb. 3rd, at 5 am they started Karen’s induction, and everything started out pretty normal. All the vitals were looking good. The Pitocin had begun to get things going and her body was responding well. The Doctor showed up around 8:30, saw that things were progressing well and decided it was time to break the water. The water looked good, and since contractions were going to start getting more intense it was time to get Karen her epidural.

Now I didn’t eat breakfast, we woke up a little too late for that (4:30 am comes WAY too early for me) and since I have an aversion to seeing people stick huge needles into my wife’s backbone I decided it was time to go grab breakfast. Since she was getting an epidural labor should slow down a little, and I should have the 15 minutes it would take to grab a bite to eat.

So I left.

I got down to the car and there, to my intense frustration, my windshield had frozen over. Again. I had scraped it that morning. Well, scraped might be generous. I had cleared sight lines that morning in the frigid cold, and was frustrated that I would have to do so again. It is not a fast process, and it hadn’t warmed up much in the few hours since my last attempts. I decided against it. Who needs breakfast anyway? I headed back up to Karen and the delivery room.

When I walked in the door I was greeted by bloody towels. Everywhere. Not what I wanted, or expected to see. Karen was bleeding, and I didn’t know why, or how, or what was going on.

While I had been down fuming at the cold, my frozen windshield and empty belly, Karen had decided that since the epidural would remove feeling from the lower half of her body that she should get up and use the bathroom.

When she stood up, a gush of blood hit the floor.

That is not supposed to happen.

The nurse had her get right back into bed and called the doctor. I returned seconds before the Doctor arrived. I will never forget sitting in that chair and watching his face. He looked at my wife, he looked at the towels and floor, and back to my wife. His brow was furrowed, with growing worry.

“I know this isn’t what we had planned, but we need to do an emergency C-section.”

Those words tore into me.

They also kicked over a beehive of commotion. Nurses just magically appeared out of nowhere. Suddenly there was another bed in the room and they were moving Karen onto it. Next thing I know we’re being whisked down the hall, and into an elevator. Out the elevator and down the hall, around corners, through doors with keycards. We’re practically running now. Our pace couldn’t match what was going on in my head however. What was going on? Was Karen in danger? Was the baby? Both? Why is this happening? The questions spilled over, filling my cup of panic.

“Swallow it Stenberg, swallow it and listen”, I told myself.

The Doctor was telling me how maybe I could still be in the room, maybe they would have time to give Karen an epidural in the Operating Room (OR), and then I could still be there, and she could be awake. We could go through this together. At least I could hold her hand.

Except when we got to the OR they pushed her into the room, and they left me outside. There was no time. They had to get the baby out as quickly as possible. There would be no epidural. They were going to put Karen under. It had to be quick. The bleeding had to stop. There was no time.

I was ushered into a room that resembled a large closet. There was a patched couch along one wall, some stacked chairs in the corner, an overused desk and a squeaky rolling chair. I slowly sank into the chair, rested my head on the desk and prayed. The rush of the last five minutes washed over me and I began to feel tears carve paths down my cheeks and then fall to the floor. I reached out to family and friends via text and asked for prayer.

“Pray for my wife. Pray for my child. Please, just pray.”

One friend asked if he could come and join me, to be there as a support for me. I laughed ironically to myself. I didn’t even know where I was. I didn’t know where this room was. I didn’t know how to get into, or out of, this part of the hospital. I told him that I didn’t know how to get to him, or how to get him to me, so thanks for the thought, but at this point, just pray.

What else could we do?

Soon, a nurse found me. I don’t know how, but she found me. Maybe they put all the dads in that little storage room? I dunno. Just glad I’m not still stuck in there. She brought me back up through the labyrinth and into the Labor and Delivery department. She took me to the room they had moved Karen’s stuff into and told me that it wouldn’t be too long now. It was probably only 8 minutes, but it felt like an hour. Suddenly she was back at the door, asking me if I wanted to hold my son.

My son. He had made it. Praise God. I was filled with joy, but in the back of my head I couldn’t help but wonder: how was Karen?

I was brought to a room where Elijah was undergoing the battery of tests that newborns are subjected to. They told me he was great. Beyond great. He was an incredibly and surprisingly healthy baby. The awe in the room was almost palpable. For those of you ‘in the know’, Elijah scored an 8 on his first APGAR test, and a 10 on his second. 10s are unheard of. They just don’t give those out. But they did to Elijah.

Soon I was holding my 5th son. This was the first time I had held one of my children before my wife had been able to. Which brought my mind back to Karen.

How is my wife doing?

It wasn’t too long before the Doctor came in. He came in and congratulated me on an amazingly healthy son. He told me Karen was doing really well. She was on her way to the room they called ‘recovery’ and that as soon as she was awake and coherent they would bring her up, and she could start feeding Elijah.

She was OK. It was a good thing that I was sitting down. As the relief flooded my body and the tension that had been building relaxed I felt my legs go weak. Thank God that my wife is OK, and thank God for whoever invented chairs.

So what happened? Why the bleeding? Why the emergency C-section?

The Doctor told me that it turned out that Karen had a condition called ‘Vasa Previa’. It is a rare occurrence, and it is hard to spot during Ultrasounds, unless one is looking for it specifically.

Vasa Previa is a condition where the blood vessels that attach the umbilical cord to the placenta run in between the baby and the birth canal. When Karen’s water broke, the blood vessels broke as well, and that is what caused the bleeding. That blood was supposed to be going to Elijah, and since he wasn’t getting it they had to perform the emergency C-section.

About an hour later, Karen was wheeled into the room that she would spend the next three days in. I brought her Elijah, and they began the mother-baby bonding process. We were both so relieved to have a safe and healthy baby and mother that it took a while for the emotions to settle. It wasn’t until Saturday night that we decided to do a bit more research on Vasa Previa.

I hopped on my laptop and took a stroll through vasaprevia.com.

What I found filled me with a humble thankfulness that I find hard to accurately describe.

Here are a few statistics from vasaprevia.com:

  1. 95% of vasa previa pregnancies that are not prenatally diagnosed end in the death of the child. (Any instance that I could find of a baby surviving a case where it was not prenatally diagnosed they did so through a blood transfusion.)
  2. If a pregnancy is diagnosed as vasa previa, the mother is recommended to be put on bed rest between weeks 30-32, and then Doctors perform a C-section as soon as the baby is deemed able to survive outside the womb, typically weeks 35-36.
  3. It is strongly discouraged to let the mother go into labor and have the baby naturally, but should she decide to anyway, it is necessary to be prepared for a blood transfusion for the child.

The realization of what I was reading began to hit me.

My son was not only in the 5%, my son didn’t require a blood transfusion. Despite the incredible amount of blood that Karen lost he scored higher on the APGAR than any of our other children. He scored higher than children are supposed to score.

Added to that, we had TRIED to get Karen to go into labor. We had gone for walks, worked hard, eaten spicy food, and thankfully passed on the castor oil. If Karen had gone into labor, if her water had broken, anywhere else but in a delivery room, statistics and science say this story ends differently. If we hadn’t scheduled an induction so that Elijah could meet Grandma, if Karen hadn’t decided to get an epidural, resulting in the bleeding being caught right away, if…if….if…All the ‘ifs’ kept piling up.

It began to sink in.

Karen and I began to realize how God had provided for us. How God had blessed us. How miraculous the birth of our little Elijah was. Statistics and Science said that he shouldn’t be here with us. And yet here he was, in my arms. As I watched his chest move with each breath, I felt the tears begin to retrace their steps down my cheeks.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you for my son.

So how do we respond?

The initial reaction is to say, “God is good!” And He is good. But He would still be good even if He had decided to take Elijah that morning on Feb. 3rd, 2017.

Another reaction is to say, “God is faithful!” And He is faithful. But He is also faithful to those who lost their children to vasa previa, or any other complication that takes children too early from this world.

Another response is: ‘Man, God must have some plan for this little guy.” And He does. But it might not be what we would typically classify as ‘amazing’. You see, I believe that it’s similar to conversion, or testimonies. It’s similar to the understanding that those who go through a miraculous ‘Damasacus Road’ conversion experience are not more important to God than those who grow up in the Church, and have always had a relationship with Him. He just used some means that we would deem as ‘miraculous’ to bring them into the fold. I would argue that how he saves each of us is miraculous. In the same way, Elijah does not mean more to God than other babies, God just used means that we would deem as miraculous to bring him into the world.

How God chose to act in this instance doesn’t dictate His goodness, or His faithfulness, or Elijah’s future.

So, again, how do we respond?

With thankfulness that He acted. Karen and I are just so thankful that God chose to bless us with Elijah. We are overcome by humble gratitude. We know that it is not because of who we are as people, or as parents, but because of God’s grace and mercy.

We want to say thank you to all who prayed for us, and with us for the life of this precious little boy. Our God has answered your prayers. We humbly ask that you continue to pray for him as he grows. Pray that he would walk with the Lord all of his life.

It feels like in America, in Western Christianity, we don’t get to see what we would call ‘miracles’ very often. Well, a miracle happened on the morning of Feb 3rd, 2017 in the sleepy little city of Fergus Falls, MN. And if you need a reminder that our God is able to perform miracles, just take a look at this little face and be encouraged.

Praise be to God.

1 Chronicles 29:10-13

David praised the Lord in the presence of the whole assembly, saying,

“Praise be to you, Lord,
the God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
11 Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is yours.
Yours, Lord, is the kingdom;
you are exalted as head over all.
12 Wealth and honor come from you;
you are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.
13 Now, our God, we give you thanks,
and praise your glorious name.

Cinnamon Buns

I have made it to 37 weeks! Woo Hoo! I have started craving comfort food. One of those comfort foods for me is Cinnamon Buns (or Cinnamon Rolls).

Also as I anticipate the arrival of this baby. I toggle between being terribly uncomfortable(this just hit me this past weekend) which comes with the feeling of not ever wanting to get off the couch, to having bursts of energy and wanting to keep busy to pass the time. I haven’t had much of an in between speed the past few days… So of course in my burst of energy yesterday, making cinnamon buns that chilly afternoon sounded perfect.

In our house when , I don’t just make them as breakfast or a dessert. I make them for dinner, with bacon… So good… And since they are dinner there is no guilt in having as many as you want. 😉

I make the bun dough in my Bosch mixer, which is just the best for kneading bread. This recipe makes about two 9×13 inch pans. It’s quite a lot of dough, so if you are using a mixer with a smaller bowl it might not fit…

Cinnamon Buns

First add 3 Cups warm water, this is what you will be activating your yeast in. So you want to temp to be between 95 and 115 F. (I try to gage it by how hot I would make my bath water when checking the temp of the water.)

Then add 1/3 Cup Sugar, 1/3 Cup Canola oil and 2 Tablespoons yeast. Let sit for about 5 min.

Then add 3 Cups flour and 1 Tablespoon Salt. Mix together. It will be a watery dough consistency.

Add 2 eggs to the dough and mix with fork. (pic below)


Mix together.

Then you will slowly start adding flour. It will be about another 4 1/2 Cups. The dough should be coming clean off the sides once there is enough flour. (Pic below)

Knead in mixer for another 4 to 5 min. Then pull out of mixer and form into a ball.

Add about 2 Tablespoons of Canola oil to a bowl large enough for the dough to raise in. Place dough in bowl. Coat your dough in the oil, so that it would still as much to the sides of the bowl.


Let raise for an hour to an hour and a half, until it has doubled in size.

Lightly cover the surface that you will be rolling out your dough in oil. Roll out dough, fairly thin.


Soften half a cup of butter and spread all over rolled out dough.  I eyeball the brown sugar and cinnamon. I spread the brown sugar so it is evenly coated all over the dough, and then I sprinkle the cinnamon all over it.



Roll up and pinch the seam of the dough together. Then I pinch them apart with dental floss or string. And place them in 2 greased 9×13 inch pans.


Let rise another half an hour. Bake in the oven at 350 degrees for 30 min.

The reason there is only one pan in this last picture. Is because I got so excited when they came out of the oven, I immediately started serving them up and forgot all about taking the picture!

I serve them with frosting.

 Cinnamon Bun Dough

3 Cups water   1/3 Cup Sugar

1/3 Cups Canola Oil   2 Tablespoons Yeast

3 Cups Flour  1 Tablespoon Salt

2 Eggs    4 1/2 Cups additional Flour

Filling

1/2 Cup Butter

Brown sugar to cover dough and cinnamon to sprinkle on dough (eyeball it)

Vanilla Butter Frosting

1/3 Cup softened Butter

3 1/2 Cups Powdered Sugar

1 teaspoon Vanilla

About 1/4 Cup Milk

Mix butter, powdered sugar, vanilla, and milk together. You can use more or less milk depending on how thick you like your frosting.

When you put it over the hot cinnamon buns it will start melting in!

Intentionality in the New Year

 

It’s a new year! We have just landed in one of my least favorite months. Christmas is over and the reality of how much winter we have left to go sets in. This winter has been a bit brutal so far. It’s been going from bearable temps, to below zero temps, blizzards, and there was even an ice storm on Christmas Day thrown in there. We have not had much of the picturesque 20 degrees with light snow falling. However I really can’t complain. I’m used to driving in the snow at this juncture in life and I don’t usually have to leave the house when it’s blizzarding, unless of course, I’m picking the boy’s up from school. And really Fergus is so small that this is not a big deal. Also (don’t hate me) but the kid in me loves watching storms. There is just something beautiful and captivating in them.

Starting the New Year, for a lot of people comes new years resolutions. Now traditionally I’m not a huge fan of new years resolutions, for myself. Not that I am against them, in fact I think they can be great and a good kick in areas we know need attention. But for myself I really gravitate toward the law side of them. In the past I have made these detailed resolutions, and then I drive myself crazy, because I want to stick to the letter of the law in them… I mean after all I made it! I love extending grace to others, but when it comes to myself I tend to have more of an issue. My type-A personality comes out in spades…at myself! So I have shied away from doing this the last few years.

But this year I have been pondering the “New Years Resolution” again. Not because I want to make some strict guidelines for myself like, -drink 64oz of water –workout 5 times a week –read to the kids at least 20 min everyday –meal plan on the weekend for the week. These are all great things, but I realize that right now in life this stuff is not going to happen every week. Especially the ‘workout 5 times a week’! Ha!

However I do want to be more intentional. I have a few things that I’m really excited about that I believe God has placed on my heart, which I will share with you all.

One of them is this blog. Believe it or not, starting this blog has been a huge stretch for me. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone and grown me. Mainly in writing about life and being honest and open in that. But also in technology! It took me forever to figure out how to get my site set up the way I wanted it! Thankfully I had my techie hubby around to help me trouble shoot! I want to be intentional in getting organized going into the New Year. This will also be a really useful device in helping me keep on top of things, and not letting this slip to the back burner as life gets busy.

Another thing that I’m excited about being more intentional in is Plexus. Not only is it a great company that makes top of the line health products, but all of the women (and a few men) who are ambassadors that I have worked with are so great and very encouraging. Their primary focus is to help people. I love that. I have talked a bit about how much it has impacted my life and Daniel’s. So I won’t go into the long details of that. (I will link below the blog post that goes into those details.) I have read and heard so many testimonies of how it is helping others as well. It helps with things like, Diabetes (types1 and 2), it provides energy, influences mood, helps in losing weight, and also gaining weight, skin issues, allergy issues, hormone imbalance and many more things. I’m not saying it will fix all these things for everyone. But because it gets to the root of the problem that a lot of these things stem from, it can have a big impact. And because of that I want to be more intentional with sharing about it, and in bringing some hope, tools and better health to others. One of the best parts is the routine is super simple! I mean, Daniel has no problem keeping up with it!

The last thing (but certainly not least) I plan on being more intentional in is relationships. This is a funny one for me to think about being more intentional in, because I crave relationship. I crave having deep friendships and conversation. It energizes and fills me up. But I get busy and forget to make it happen. I can tell when it’s not happening. I feel it. I start getting a bit stir crazy and won’t stop talking Daniel’s ear off. Poor guy… I need to be more intentional in setting up things like play dates, coffee dates, and having people over for dinner. The hope is that after Daniel graduates Seminary we will be taking a call at a church. And I really need to remember this one during that time. When I’m getting to know new people and a new area. I enjoy getting to know people and new areas, but it also puts me out of my comfort zone and I can let shyness and insecurities get the best of me in these situations, if I’m not being intentional.

As we start the New Year, I have been approaching these things in prayer. And I have only gotten more excited. However as I contemplate this, and start writing things down in my planner I realize I will have to write them down in pencil. And continue to commit my agenda and plans to the Lord. I believe that the Lord has given me these passions and hopes in my heart. But I also go into them realizing that I want to continue to seek His guidance in all the aspects of life. I want to be in a place where I’m sensitive and willing to change and adapt.

I don’t want to live them out through the law, but through God’s grace.

Blessings in the New Year!

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 

Link to our Health Story- This is a Story All About How…

Expectations and the Guilt that Accompanies 

 

The second Christmas challenge…

Another big challenge that I have been thinking about, is the expectations that come with this time of year. I think that the expectations look different depending on the person and family. But there are cookie exchanges, gift exchanges, Christmas cards to write and mail. There are family gatherings, and gatherings with friends. And then of course you have to add all of this on top of your normal week/work/school schedule.

How do we do it all?

We can’t. Or at least I can’t!

Something somewhere has to give. And then if you are like me, you feel guilty about it.

I was listening to a woman tell this story on a podcast the other day, about how she grew up in a very unconventional family, she then ended up going to college in a completely different area of the country than what she was used to, and married a nice man from the south. In her early-married years, she signed up for the cookie exchange at church. And on the flier it said to bring your favorite cookie to exchange. So she showed up with her favorite cookie… Oreos. The other women were so confused as to why she would show up with Oreos, a store-bought cookie. She soon realized her mistake as she looked around at all the home made baked goods, and got the “oh honey, that’s ok” from multiple women. She had never really liked baking, and in her previous community of friends this wouldn’t have been a big deal. But obviously that was a different story here. The next few years she continued to sign up for the cookie exchange and this time bake her own cookies. But at some point along the line realized she still did not like baking. It did not bring her any joy. So she made the decision that she was not going to participate in things like cookie exchanges anymore, instead she was going to spend more time at Christmas doing the things she loved.

I really like the concept of spending more time doing what you love at Christmas and letting go of those things that you really don’t enjoy. This idea is really a freeing concept to me. Focusing more on my giftings and less on the checklist.

My mom loves writing Christmas cards. In fact she is just great at remembering and writing cards to people throughout the year. I love that about her. This is a gift that she enjoys, and through it she loves on others. I on the other hand really, really struggle with writing Christmas cards. It is not something that comes naturally to me, I struggle to remember to do it, and I don’t really enjoy the process. My poor mother really worked hard getting me to remember to write cards and thank you cards. But even with the repetition of doing it when I was younger, with her prodding, it is still a huge struggle for me today. So when it comes to the big task of Christmas cards…. Well I have pretty much given up on those.

And in previous years I have felt really guilty about this. But this year I have decided to let it go. I’m figuratively waving goodbye to that guilt! Maybe I will do it someday. But for right now I’m letting it go. I will grab on to some newfound freedom in changing my expectations. I will wish everyone a Merry Christmas from social media. And I will cheer on and be thankful for those that do love to send cards!

It’s usually pretty much impossible to get away from every difficult situation or time at Christmas (or life). But I have realized I can have boundaries and change my own expectations of myself.

This is a great season to love on people or let others love on you! Let your gifts and abilities shine. And don’t get bogged down by unrealistic expectations.

Our traditions and Christmas’ have looked pretty different throughout the years. Some years we have been close to family, and in the more recent years we have been away. But in all that, we have found some traditions that we love to do together as a family. So I will share a few with you!

We love to make “hot”(warm) cocoa, put it in the boys water bottles, load up in the van and drive around and look at (hunt for) Christmas lights.

Another one is making krumkake with Daniel. This is Daniel’s favorite Christmas cookie. It’s a Norwegian cookie that looks a lot like a mini ice cream cone, highlighted with the delicious spice, cardamom. You can fill them with cream, but for the most part, we just eat them plain.

On Christmas Eve we love going to the candlelight service at church. We are still in the process of figuring a favorite main course for Christmas Eve dinner. So if you have any favorites feel free to let me know!

We have been carrying on this tradition from Daniel’s side of the family. On Christmas Eve we eat dinner by candlelight, and then we serve rice pudding with a nut hidden in it, and whoever finds the nut gets a prize. The kids love this. Then we read the Christmas story and Daniel gets out his guitar and we sing a few Christmas carols.

Christmas morning, there is a lot of opening presents, playing, coffee and then cinnamon buns (In fact I will have to share my cinnamon bun recipe, it is so delicious!). Christmas day has been pretty low key for us, just enjoying each other’s company. Until the meltdowns start with the kids. For all the fun extreme highs of the day, it seems that they cannot go without the extreme meltdowns later on! But it’s all worth it!

For now I will stick to what I love and what works for this season of life, baking for others, baking with my kids. Parties, Christmas movies and curling up on the couch with a book while it dumps snow (which is actually what my day looked like today).

And to all of you, I wish you a very Merry Christmas. Filled with hope, and peace in the Lord.

 

Romans 15:12-13

And again, Isaiah says,

“The Root of Jesse will spring up,

one who will arise to rule over the nations;

in him the Gentiles will hope.”

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year! Why is it so Hard??

 

It’s that time of the year again! You know as the song goes, “The most wonderful time of the year!” Sort of… I do love this time of year though. I enjoy all the get-togethers and parties. I can be a bit shy but I have realized that I’m more of an extrovert than an introvert. So I really feed off of all of the business and activities. I also love baking cookies with the kids. Currently I am trying to get them each to think of their favorite Christmas cookie, that we can put on the ‘to bake’ list. So far this plan of mine is not working out to well… it’s hard for them to narrow it down to just one cookie, and then there is the issue that one of them thinks his favorite cookie is ginger bread men, and I know it’s not…I’m not even sure he’s had a ginger bread cookie. But he likes the story with the ginger bread boy in it; therefore his favorite cookie is gingerbread men. I’m thinking I will have to either rethink my plan a bit, or make more types of cookies than I currently want to. I also enjoy shopping, picking out the gifts, and brainstorming gift ideas for the boys with Daniel, as we get excited for what Christmas morning will look like.

But lets face it. Christmas is not without it’s challenges. Oh so many challenges… I have been pondering them this past week. I know that there are many, many different challenges for each different person at Christmas. I want to just write about a few of them that I have been working through this year. I am just going to start with the first one here. I started to write this all in one post, and it was getting long, so I will break it into two and put up the second next week. I think short and simple works a bit better during this season. So you’re welcome! 😉

Christmas is a time when we should be so filled with hope, joy and thankfulness. We look back and can be thankful for the birth of Jesus and his coming. In the present we can be thankful for all that He has done for us that leads to our salvation and forgiveness. And we look to the future where we can be thankful that He is coming again and that our eternity is sound and secure in Christ.

I personally have so much to be thankful for in my own life right now.

And yet, it’s this time of year that can also make it so hard to be thankful.

Our family started making Christmas lists for each other the past few years. Takes a little bit of the guess work out of Christmas shopping, and for those of us who will not make it home for Christmas, it also helps if those things are on amazon and can be easily shipped! At first it’s hard for me to think of what I want to put on my list… (Besides a new van! And that is not really a Christmas list item, ha!) But once I get the ball rolling and coming up with a few things, I realize, there are a whole lot of things I could put on this list. My kid’s start adding to their Christmas lists as soon as Christmas is over! All these toys ‘conveniently’ come with adds that show all the other toys they don’t have in a particular set. And the kids show us what they ‘need’ to get next from these little add booklets. Well played Lego… Well played…

It’s so easy to fall into discontentment during this time of year. It’s so easy to see all the things we don’t have. It’s so easy to compare our lives with others. Most of the time it creeps in without me even realizing it.

This year I have been more actively aware of this mental battle. For me just being more aware of it has helped, recognizing the lies before they can take root. It helps me actively redirect those thoughts, to where they should be.

Also it can be hard for me to set aside time to spend with God this time of year. I know it should be #1 priority right! Well, it sure can get hard when there is so much going on this time of year! But it has really helped me to keep this a priority. It does not look the same everyday. And that is one thing I love about the freedom we have as we rest in Gods grace. There are no set rules for when to do devotions, or what that should look like! Just seek the Lord. Do what He puts on your heart and what works for you.

I recently got an advent devotional from an app called “She Reads Truth”. It has been really good. Currently the devos have been tying the Old Testament prophecy about Jesus’ coming to the New Testament scripture where Jesus has come and fulfilled that prophecy. I have been enjoying it! It’s also right there on my phone, so if I miss out on my morning devotions, I have it right there when I have time later in the day.

As far as getting my kids to focus on the true reason for the season, we talk about it a lot. In our nightly prayers, we make a point to talk about it, to thank God for the birth of Jesus, for sending His Son. We do have some advent things to do with the kids as well. But it’s a work in progress (I mean who am I kidding! I just wrote about how I am still a work in progress!). I don’t have it all figured out. I just keep praying that God will give us wisdom and guidance. And of course the continued prayer for my boys and their relationships with Jesus…and it wouldn’t hurt if they could settle on a favorite Christmas cookie either…

So here are a few verses on why we celebrate Christmas!

 

Isaiah 9:6-7

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.

John 1:14

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

 

Don’t Move That Couch!

 

Over the past two months I have been working on one of my least favorite things. Once it is accomplished, it also happens to be one of the most rewarding things to my psyche. But that means I have to actually do it. Ugh.

And No it’s not running, I actually love doing that. Except for right now, while I’m 28 weeks pregnant. I will be forgoing the running until after baby, and stick with other forms of working out, preferably ones that don’t make me feel like I have to pee the entire time! Things just aren’t the same after a few pregnancies…

No. What I’m talking about is cleaning out my house. Getting rid of the stuff I don’t use and need. I have been going room by room and sorting. Ufda.. makes me feel worn out just thinking about it!!

I started this task in September. Not just because there were certain cupboards and rooms that were driving me crazy. Not just because of how hard it was to find things, or how messy parts of the house were starting to look. Sure, that all plays a part in it. But what really pushed me to do it is the fact that I’m really on the clock right now. And it’s coming to crunch time. I have less that 12 weeks till my due date, and in those 12 weeks are Thanksgiving, Christmas(with all the joy’s…mostly joy’s… that this holiday comes with) and Daniel and the boys’ Christmas break. And then, after the baby comes, it’s only a few short months before we will mostly likely be moving.

Once the boy’s started school I decided to take action. I have made a huge dent since then. I shouldn’t say dent. I really am almost done. The last thing holding me up is the little boy clothes… Just one more reason I was hoping for a girl, so I wouldn’t have to deal with sorting through these bags! I wanted to just say goodbye to those suckers, and start over!! They are the last thing on the list to sort through, and they are staring me in the face every time I walk into my spare bedroom. Once I get started it won’t be so bad. But I will need to dedicate a day to getting this project done.

What a long process this has felt like though. And as I work through each room and space, I find more that needs to be sorted and organized, along with some things that I didn’t even realize were there. It seems that I always find more that I should clean up and organize.

And some times I just want to shut the door and pretend that I didn’t see it.

As I have been going through this process, it has reminded me of times in my spiritual life. Sometimes God brings to light things I need to deal with, clean up, or grow in. And I think, “Ok, Do your work, deal with me here, I want to grow closer to You and I know this is something You need to take care of.” Sometimes I am quick to this response.

Sometimes I am not.

It seems that He starts rooting out, or pruning away in one area of my life. Then once that area is dealt with there is a sense of relief. But so often His working and cleaning in one area reveals other areas that He needs to clean, other areas that need His attention. More and more is revealed by the Light of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God being active in my life. And there is always more to clean up. There is always more mess that needs to be dealt with. Sometimes I just want to hide, simply because all that dirt and mess is just so embarrassing.

It’s so much like cleaning my house!

For instance, when I’m cleaning and for some crazy reason I decide to move my couch and I see all sorts of surprises… um… awful surprises! And I want to just put that couch right back where it was and forget that there is all that grossness under there. (Oh and some times I do!) As God convicts me and grows me in some of these difficult times, I might be ok with it for a while, but man have there been times where I feel like “Ok God, that is far enough! I’m done! Do not lift up that couch!!!” But does that stop him? Of course not. And deep down, I don’t want it to. Because I know I need to let Him continue to keep going through those deep places I didn’t even know I had to deal with.

Some times God cleans gently, and some times He does not. But I know God loves me, and is working for my benefit through these hard and exhausting times. And the feeling on the other side is sweet.

It’s so nice to open my closet and find what I’m looking for. To know that I’m not going to move things that I won’t even use at my next house. To just have it done!

The feeling is even sweeter when you come out of these refining times with God. Maybe it’s major growth, maybe it’s finally letting go of a sin you have been hanging onto, or didn’t even know was there. Maybe it’s letting go of a fear, or worry, and knowing that even if the worst happens God’s still got you. It can be so many different things. This process with the Lord will never be complete, until we see Him in Heaven. But there are definite seasons in our walk with the Lord where this process is more intense. And when He brings you through, growing closer with God is always worth it.

1 Peter 1:3-9

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ; and though you have not seen Him, you love Him, and though you do not see Him now, but believe in Him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls.

The Difficulty of Open Hands

 

At the end of the past summer the reality of shifting season’s really hit me. As surely and as quickly as this past summer had come, so would the next. I found my self in a place of struggling and wrestling. There is a strange uncertainty and certainty that comes with the next season in life for us.

Daniel started his third and final year of seminary this past fall. There is an excitement in that. There is also that feeling of seeing the home stretch, but there is still a ways to go. There is also a bit of sadness that comes as well, we have enjoyed our time here, we have both grown, and made some really deep rooted friendships that will be hard to say good-bye to. The kids have made some friendships that will be hard for them to say good-bye to as well. There is a lot of unknown about what next year will look like.

We are not strangers to big moves, we have uprooted and moved a large distance a few times. We haven’t always known the details of how everything would work out. Like what we would do for work, or what friendships and daily life might look like. But all of these big life changes did have one thing in common… We knew where we would be moving. This time we know Daniel will be done with school come this May, and we most likely will not be staying in Fergus Falls, but where will we be moving to?

Literally, only God knows.

I found myself working through this quite a bit at the end of the summer. It really hit me, how fast these past two years have gone by, and in turn how fast the up coming year would go. And the big question started coming up quite a bit “So where are you headed after Seminary?” I don’t blame anyone for asking. I was (am!) wondering myself. My kids started asking “Where will we be going to school next year? Will we still live by any of our friends?” And when the kids start asking, it really hits home. I really want to give them some firm answers. To comfort any fears they might have, to instill excitement in them, for a big transition. The problem here is, I don’t have any answers.

I do have the “right” answer.

“God knows where we will be going, we are trusting in Him, He will take care of us, and it will be good.” Thankfully my children are trusting in me and in God. This answer does bring them a lot of comfort.

And yet for me, (in my adult, and very human mind), with all of the questions and the up coming year, the wrestling was still there. I knew I had to bring it before God and start praying through it.

I have been happy to leave and follow where God has been leading us. Happy to say that I would truly go anywhere God is calling us. He lead us to Buffalo, NY, back to Olympia, WA, then to Calgary AB, and now here to Fergus Falls, MN. I have been happy and excited to go to all of these places. Knowing that, where God calls, there is peace and joy in that calling.

As I prayed and started working through it, I began to understand my unrest and struggle in this particular ‘unknown’. And that came to light when I realized, deep down, I had been longing that God would call us back to the Pacific Northwest. Back close to family, friends, familiar territory.

And mountains.

In the past few years there had been other close family members that were living far away. They have now moved back and are close to the family again. All of my boys’ cousins are back again and living, at most, a few hours from each other. I am not frustrated by this at all, I’m really happy for them. But I found deep down in myself that I had been wondering, “Is it our turn now?” We will have lived away for 6 and a half years when Daniel finishes school.

“Isn’t that long enough God? Can’t we be called back, even if it’s just for a short time, while the kids are still little?”

I finally stopped ignoring these questions I had stuffed down deep, and admitted to myself, and to God, these things. There was a part of me that did feel justified with these questions and desires. But another part of me that knew I was letting my wants and desires get in the way of peace. Peace for my now, and for our future.

As I worked through this, there was a sadness in it. Because I knew God was asking me to let go, to open my hands to Him again and surrender. I was also frustrated with myself, that something that previously hadn’t been such a struggle, was hard this time.

Why can’t I just have moved past this? Why is this resurfacing in a new and unexpected way?

So I prayed, struggled, wrestled, cried, and then again prayed, struggled, wrestled and cried. As many times as I needed to that month. I dug deep in God’s word and spent many times (with a cup of coffee in hand) praying through these struggles and emotions. I’m so thankful that I can come to God with my anger and fear, that I can be candid and real with Him.

I’m thankful for the Psalms and the raw emotion there.

By the end of that month, I had worked through this hard and emotional process, and slowly released that struggle, and my wants to God. So that I stand with open hands again.

I have found rest in this situation. I can truly say that I want to go where God calls again. No matter where that is. Because it will be good. Because God is with me, and because He always knows better than I do. Because ultimately I want what is best for the furtherance of His kingdom and His ministry. That He is able to use my family, my broken self included, to be a part of His ministry here on earth, is amazing, and I am blessed by it.

We are in the middle of November now, and I am nowhere closer to knowing God’s plan for us this next year. But I am at rest, with open hands. Excited to see where He will lead us, and to see what He has in store for us. I am so thankful that we can draw near to God, and admit all of our deepest struggles to Him. And to know that all of this will not change how He sees me, it will not change the amount of love He has for me. I am still His perfect creation in Christ.

He is listening to our prayers, and we can find truth and comfort in His word. I’m thankful for my God who will work through my struggles with me, that I can cast my cares on Him and He will lift my burden. And set me resting in Him again.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Almond Cookies

 

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I love almond flavor. And I seem to be liking it more and more as I get older. It’s like dark chocolate. You’re not a huge fan as a kid, but the older you get the more it grows on you until you think it’s amazing! That has been almond baked goods and desserts for me. As a kid I would think “Why would I ever get the thing with nuts in it!?!” Now it’s one of the first things I go for… well along with chocolate…

I really just started making these cookies the last few years. They are delicious and they are naturally gluten free. This also makes them my go to dessert for events, where there will be a crowd of people.

This recipe is really similar to  Kransekake (Norwegian wedding cake). I change it a little and make it into cookies. These cookies have a bit of a harder shell on the outside with a soft middle. I have to add, that these are totally inspired by my in-laws, who are Norwegian themselves, and make many amazing Norwegian desserts!


Almond Cookies

Heat oven to 300 degrees

Measure 4 Cups Almond flour and 4 Cups Powdered sugar into a large pot.

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Heat the almonds and powdered sugar on medium heat until it’s warm all the way through, and the powder becomes less fine.

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Remove from heat.

Separate three egg whites into a separate bowl.

Pour them into your almond flour/powdered sugar mixture.

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Quickly stir them, until the mixture is moist throughout, and starting to form your dough.

 

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Cover your cookie sheet with parchment paper.

Then form your dough into about 1 to 1 1/2 in. balls and place on cookie sheet.

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Bake for about 17 min. Until the cookies are a bit hard on the outside, they can have a little give to them in the middle. (You don’t want them to be brown, they will be very hard once they cool, if they start to brown.)

And that is it! They are pretty simple!

 

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Almond Cookie Ingredients

4 Cups Almond Flour

4 Cups Powdered Sugar

3 Egg Whites